


Gertie

by TheBasilRathbone



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Admissions of Love, Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kevin is the Emotional One, M/M, Trigger Warning: Cheddar Hasn't Been Born Yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-12 10:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20562611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBasilRathbone/pseuds/TheBasilRathbone
Summary: "One spring day, Kevin showed up at my door, having purchased Gertie. He took the leap, and I'm so grateful that he did. I only regret that I didn't do it first."After months of a two-hour commute just to see one another and in the aftermath of a horrible fight, Kevin shows up on Raymond's doorstep with a speech and a newly-acquired car.





	Gertie

His miseries had somehow managed to combine themselves perfectly to ensure him the greatest possible pain. While time had a tendency to heal all wounds, even those as gaping and ragged as The Incident at dinner, Raymond hadn't so much as spoken to Kevin since, and the increasingly long absence came with increasing unhappiness. Therefore, he'd reached something of a misery plateau, in which the sharp hurt of The Incident was balanced by an aching loneliness in an inverse correlation of angst. 

The usual racism and homophobia of his work was even wearing on him now in a way that it wouldn't were he in lighter spirits. While once he might have been annoyed by the new intern that now brought his own coffee mugs to work so as not to share anything that Holt might have used (he wasn't sure if it was the sexuality or the blackness that the idiotic young man was convinced was contagious), now it filled him with a boiling rage every time he saw the intern's nose crinkle with disgust every time he had to interact with Raymond. 

Which brought him here, trudging angrily out of the subway and towards his apartment building at the end of a long day, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and never emerge. 

"Raymond." 

It was telling of his mood that a detective such as himself had been so unobservant that he had waltzed right past his partner (ex-partner?) without even noticing him. 

Kevin was dressed appropriately as always for the spring weather, arms crossed casually over his chest, leaning nonchalantly against an old sports car like a hooligan from a James Dean film (though, to Raymond's recollection, James Dean had never worn a sweater vest and slacks). 

"What are you doing here?" Raymond asked, trying to keep his expression and tone neutral. Kevin was always so good at reading him like a book. 

"I came to see you," Kevin answered, an obvious response that skirted the implications of his question, much to Raymond's annoyance. "Can we...talk inside?"

"No," Raymond replied, delighting in the slight surprised raise of Kevin's eyebrows. "No, I don't think so. I'm rather tired of being your dirty little secret. Anything that you wish to say, you can say in the open street." 

Kevin sighed and dropped his gaze to the pavement, shoving his hands into the pockets of his tailored wool coat. "Raymond, I'm sorry about dinner. My parents-"

"This has nothing to do with your parents," Raymond interrupted, feeling a simultaneous jolt of pride and pang of guilt at his uncharacteristic rudeness. "They aren't the first homophobes I've come across, and they certainly won't be the last. They want to craft a tale about how I corrupted and seduced you, that I 'turned' you gay as though this relationship and your sexuality is some sort of demonic possession? They can believe what they want. But that you expected me to sit there and listen while you did nothing to defend us? Did nothing to defend _yourself?_" 

"I know," Kevin responded, finally meeting Raymond's gaze with a pained look. "I know that I should have said something. I know that I shouldn't have sat there in silence when they asked you to leave, or at least should have followed you. But I was...taken by surprise, Raymond. I naively thought that if they could meet you, if they could see us together, they might understand. If nothing else, I never thought they'd say such things at the dinner table in front of you. Please forgive me and my cowardice." 

"You are still ashamed," he accused, still angry despite Kevin's vulnerability. "You are still ashamed of your own sexuality, you are still ashamed to be in a relationship with a man. You are ashamed to be disappointing your parents, even when your 'shameful' actions provided you with a mutually satisfactory relationship." 

"Provided?" Kevin repeated. "Please refrain from speaking in the past tense, Raymond. It's making me nervous."

Raymond huffed. "I hardly think speaking in the present tense is appropriate, either, as we haven't spoken in weeks."

They had been so, so careful not to stick labels on this. For all Kevin talked about his own cowardice, Raymond had been too proud, too afraid to admit that he cared deeply about Kevin, especially with Kevin's evident struggles against his feelings for men as a whole, let alone Raymond. They had been stalled for months, neither willing to offer more, too afraid of being embarrassed if such feelings weren't returned. 

"I know that this situation is tumultuous and I wanted to thoroughly prepare myself before confronting you. Though I now see that the length of my absence may have only hurt my cause." 

"Nothing has changed, Kevin. Clearly nothing has changed." 

"That isn't true," Kevin replied, unusually forceful. "You are right, I admit it. I still feel as though I have to apologize for my sexuality. That it is somehow a disappointing trait. A let-down to my family. I have learned over many years to be ashamed of myself for it, and have spent much of my time overcompensating by trying to become an accomplished adult, and that all of my hard work is not enough to offset my sexuality and gain the approval of my parents has been a difficult pill to swallow. But the shock of that dinner has worn off and I am ready to commit. I have come here to beg for your patience while I...un-train myself from feeling the shame I have spent a lifetime acquiring. You are more courageous than I am, but I know that it was not an easy decision to come out to your work colleagues. Well, that uncertainty and fear is what I am feeling now, and I am trying to follow in your example, but I desperately need your support to do it. Please. I can't go back to being closeted and miserable and lonely, I can't. I...I love you, Raymond, and I want to be with you. Please. Don't leave me."

There were the beginnings of tears in Kevin's eyes. He always had been the emotional one between them. But Raymond had started to see such a trait as a strength, rather than a weakness. Kevin had introduced him to poetry, to art, to expressions of human emotion that reminded him that he was not just a black, gay man in a world where such things were considered negatives, but that he was a human being having a human experience, connected to the rest of the world through their shared humanity despite the differences of which he was so aware.

He must have been silent a long moment, for Kevin let out a shaky breath and said again, more weakly, "Please don't leave me." 

Kevin may have admired Raymond's brute courage in foregoing social conventions and coming out to his colleagues, but there was courage to be admired in vulnerability.

Raymond sighed, glancing down at his watch. "This conversation is one that will take a greater amount of time than we have today, I know the last train leaves in an hour, and that you have class tomorrow. Perhaps we should-"

"I wasn't lying," Kevin cut in, "when I told you that I was committed." He stepped aside, gesturing to the old sports car behind him. 

"You rented a car?" Raymond asked. 

"I purchased a car," Kevin answered. "The trip to my front step to yours is thirty minutes. I can come whenever I like and stay as long as you'll have me. If you'll have me." 

Something warm and soft spread in his chest, the weariness and anger of the last few weeks seeming to melt off of his shoulders.

Kevin seemed to sense this small victory and took a step forward. "I mean what I said. I love you, Raymond. I'm sorry I haven't expressed it sooner. Give me another chance, I know that I am capable of being the man you need me to be."

Raymond closed the space between them, taking Kevin's face in his hands and pulling him into a kiss. He was tense for a moment, undoubtedly rebelling against such an open display of affection in the middle of a public street, but after a moment, he relaxed, reaching up to rest his hands against Raymond's forearms. 

"I love you, too," Raymond said when they'd finally broken apart. "I should have said it sooner, as well." 

"Do you have plans tonight?" Kevin asked hopefully. "Perhaps I could buy you dinner."

"Perhaps you could drive me to dinner. There's a little place in Manhattan I'd like to try." 

Kevin grinned, brandishing the keys of the sports car. "Anywhere you like, Raymond."

* * *

Holt leaned back pleasantly against the passenger seat. It was difficult not to be content, driving through the city, Kevin's hand resting boldly on his thigh as he drove, a display of affection reserved only for their happiest moments. 

They'd only just returned from his mother's house, her recent promotion warranting a family dinner and, at last, an introduction to Kevin. 

His poor partner had been struck with a horrible fear all week, unsurprising given how their meeting with his own parents had gone. But Raymond's mother was easier to appeal to, given her judicial background in the Court of Appeal. 

"I can't say that I understand...this," she'd informed them calmly, gesturing between himself and Kevin. 

"We are not hurting anyone by being together," Raymond had explained, posture tall and proud. "We're not a religious family, so I can only assume any objection would stem from a prevailing cultural and societal prejudice. Neither Kevin or I are attracted to women, and find fulfilment and satisfaction engaging in a romantic relationship with one another. I only ask that you remain impartial, and I believe that in time you will come to see that we are well-suited and will accept us, even if two men in such an arrangement seems strange to you." 

The judge had considered his argument and, after a moment, nodded. "I believe that you are correct in your observations about prevailing cultural and societal prejudices. If this is truly what you want, I will remain impartial and form an opinion based on your merit as a couple."

It had gone better than he could have hoped. 

The rest of their celebratory dinner had gone swimmingly, especially with his rambunctious sister unable to make it due to a cancelled babysitter, and his mother and Kevin had quickly bonded over their interest in history, the Oxford comma, and an appreciation of Ella Fitzgerald. 

"I'm glad you're happy," she had told Raymond genuinely as they departed, and so he and Kevin had climbed into Gertie, pleasantly full and tipsy on their good moods. 

Kevin gently squeezed his thigh. "I've been thinking, Raymond. Would you be adverse to the possibility of the two of us...sharing accommodation?"

"Moving in together?" he replied, raising a brow. "Even with the car, the thirty commute could be greatly extended during rush hour." Not impossible. Just...inconvenient.

"There's a job opening in the Classics department at Columbia," Kevin explained. "Given the length of our relationship and that things have been going so well, not to mention the success of our short co-habitation stints during our respective time off, I thought that...it might be something to consider." 

"Columbia," he repeated, taking Kevin's hand off of his thigh so that they could entwine their fingers. "That is quite a prestigious position. When would you hear back, if you were awarded the job?"

Kevin was silent for a long moment. "Two weeks ago. I have already applied and got the job. I start in three weeks' time. Forgive me for not telling you, but I thought it would be unfair to proposition you with such a large step forward in our relationship and then immediately impose a deadline for you to decide." 

"Five weeks is far more time that I would have needed," Raymond informed him. Since their near-break, he had learned his lesson about keeping quiet despite his feelings. "I want you to move in with me. And perhaps, when my lease is up in a few months' time, we might select a place together." 

He saw the tension drain from Kevin's shoulders. He had been nervous. Kevin glanced over at him briefly and smiled softly before turning his gaze back to the road. His neatly-combed hair had been ruffled by the wind from the open window, and beneath his sunglasses, small freckles dotted his cheeks, a smattering of them appearing as the summer months went on. 

Raymond had almost lost this man. How foolish they both had been to very nearly let this pass them by. 


End file.
